Lost my Little Love

[xanthea427]

**Sorry but I had to repost this with a corrected topic title just to do my little love the right honor she deserves.

 

I am new to this whole discussing this with outside individuals but I am seriously struggling with the loss of my little doggie. Forgive me but I always refer to our dogs as little doggies. She was one of those dogs that just stole my heart as soon as I saw her. We got her when she was 10 wks. old and dealt with some serious health issues at the age of 5 and 6, but then I discovered that she also had a heart murmur. This led to congestive heart failure and meds for that. She wasn't doing really bad on that medication regimen until she developed a tumor near her left eye. The vet, bless his heart, tried all he could to make sure that it wasn't an abscess but it was also a priority on my end to make sure she did not suffer and endure things that might not be helping. Recently, about two weeks ago, after a shot that helped for a few days, that tumor spread rapidly (it was on the top of her head and near her left eye and then grew to include her head and the right eye) as it moved. We decided to put her to sleep and she was 12 years old. Some might say that I should have had the tumor removed but my vet also told me that he had a dog that had this same type of thing and after removing as much of the tumor (cannot get it all due to the location) that another tumor surfaced that killed the same dog 6 wks later, and that sounded cruel of me to put her through. I am only giving the gist of this so you can understand that I absolutely adored this little love. I am the only person who could leave the house and she would sit on the bench on the back porch until I came home and my husband used to try to get her to come in and she just had to wait for her momma. She was the love of my heart when it came to how I felt about her and I always told people it's like I could have gave birth to this little love (just an expression of my love)

 

I know that what I am feeling is normal but I am struggling with trying to do things daily and we have another little dog that is also very much of my little love and he needs me too. This is so difficult and the other little doggie keeps coming to see how I am, bless his heart, but I have to make sure he's okay too as his little lifetime companion is now gone. I keep looking online and found this site so figured that maybe if I just put it out here it might help to just tell someone else who isn't part of this family or neighborhood exactly how hard this is for me. It's only been two days and I am missing her like I cannot quite believe. I keep looking for her, knowing she isn't here, but forgetting that when I get up the little stinker is gone. I apologize for rambling but I have never experienced something that is so devastating to my daily life and I miss this little girl so bad that I almost cannot stand it. I know this is just part of it but thanks for listening and understanding and anyone who has to go through this process has my deepest sympathy for the loss of our little loves. 

[sincerelysherry]

I am so very for the loss of your dear, sweet doggie. I normally come to this site to the suicide forum because my Mother committed suicide a year and a half ago and I try to encourage those that have lost one to suicide, but I saw your post and I just had to respond. My heart hurts for your loss. My 12 year old black lab, Bear, died in March. He had bone cancer in his leg and was starting to spread. He got to where he couldn't walk and get up. We didn't opt for amputation because of his age and it was a front leg and would have been hard for him to walk. I kept telling myself I was not going to have him put to sleep because I felt it was giving up and maybe God would perform a miracle. Since my Mom gave up, I swore I was not going to give up on Bear, but after seeing him in so much pain and not being able to get up, I finally let him go to the Rainbow Bridge. I held him and cried so hard when he went to sleep and I told him to please wait for me there. I loved him so much and he was like my child, my best friend and he even talked to me, doggie language of course. We even sang together which I know sounds weird, but he was as smart as a 10 year old.

 

I know how badly you miss your dog. They truly are family and usually much more loving than family. The are so innocent and love you no matter what. I pray that God will hold you close to his heart and give you comfort and peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sincerely, Sherry

[Beagle blessed]

I can totally understand.  I had to let go of the love of my life (my sweet beagle boy) on Monday at 12 years old.  I still sleep with the shirt I was wearing, and I don't see that changing for a long time.  He's been with me since he was a puppy and the pain is unbearable.  I have no children or other pets, and this has really taken me out.  My eyes are so red and puffy all the time that I don't even leave the house.  I'm not sure how to move forward.  I'm waiting to get his remains back to put in a locket I bought to wear.  Reading that other people do, and have felt the same is really helping me. I thought I was crazy until I found this site.. and have been reading that people have similar feelings.  My heart goes out to everyone that is feeling what I am...I have also taken comfort reading the Rainbow Bridge poem...its simply beautiful.