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Missing my dad/best friend


Alyssaa

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I lost my dad in March of 2014 very unexpectedly; he was a healthy 70 year old who acted more like 50. My husband and I had a baby 7 months prior and my parents watched her when I returned to work. My dad would come over first then my mom a few hours later. That morning my husband wasn't going to work until later in the day and for some reason I never told my dad not to come. He slipped on ice getting out of the car and hit his head very hard. He was on a blood thinner for precautions against a stroke/heart attack. We took him to the local hospital immediately where he was evaluated and all his tests including a ct scan came back clear. They told is to keep an eye on him and wake him up every few hours but everything should be okay. 9 times out of 10 problems show up immediatly. The following day he came over to watch my daughter and ended up going home around 1 that day when my mom got there bc he had a slight headache. I usually call him 5x a day and that afternoon I just didn't...around 5 when I got home from work he called my mom to take him to the hospital as his headache had gotten much worse. He walked in to the er, have his name and shortly there after slipped in to a coma and never came back. He had a massive brain hemorrhage due to a bleed from the head injury that left him with irreversible brain damage. They transported him to boston where they tried surgery etc.

Not a second goes by that I don't think about him and feel responsible for his death. I am an only child and was very close to my father. I can't help but feel responsible for this happening, had he not come over that morning this wouldn't have happened or if the hospital had kept him over night. I feel guilty in so many ways and can't help but wonder if god is "punishing" me for something.

Any advice is welcome as each day seems to get more difficult.

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Hi Alyssa, I am so sorry about the lost of your dad.  Please don't blame yourself for this.  So much in life is a mystery and things happen ... sometimes good things happen and sometimes terrible things happen.  I can tell you one thing that is certain, God loves us and He is just as sad as you are that this happened.  Who knows, maybe some of the hospital staff also feel that this is somehow their fault as well.  You had a great relationship with your dad and the hospital staff do what they do because they love people and they love life.  I don't feel that anyone should be blaming themselves.  It was an accident, a terrible accident but not anyone's fault.  All of the " what ifs" in the world doesn't change the fact that it was an accident and not your fault.  Please try to take this time to allow your heart to heal in your grieving.  What helps me when my heart gets heavy in missing my mom is to count my blessings for having her for my mom.  When I do this, the sadness lifts and feelings of gratefulness comes into my heart.  Based on your relationship with your dad there is no doubt that you have also been blessed.  Take care

 

Cindy Jane

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Hi Alyssaa,  

My heart breaks for you.  I lost my Dad last December, unexpectedly.  I have young kids.  I miss him so much.  I think of him all the time.  And guilt comes and goes for things I didn't do that I should have done.  (Right now it seems to be a wave of more difficulty, thus why I came on tonight.).  He had some difficulty walking and his feet got swollen towards the end, and after he died I found all kinds of magazine advertisement clippings for miracle socks, etc on his desk.  Why didn't I take the time to research online for him and bring him things that would have brought comfort?  We get so busy with our kids we sometimes overlook other things.  I know I need to forgive myself and I think you need to as well.   I know deep down I did the best I could and you as well.  Your Dad would want you to let it go.  He wouldn't want you to hang onto blame or guilt.  He would want you to be there fully for his precious grandchild that he cared for.  It was his time and he's at peace now.  Be well.  Write anytime to let it out.  Sometimes just doing that to a listening ear is healing. 

NYE

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Hi Alyssaa,  

My heart breaks for you.  I lost my Dad last December, unexpectedly.  I have young kids.  I miss him so much.  I think of him all the time.  And guilt comes and goes for things I didn't do that I should have done.  (Right now it seems to be a wave of more difficulty, thus why I came on tonight.).  He had some difficulty walking and his feet got swollen towards the end, and after he died I found all kinds of magazine advertisement clippings for miracle socks, etc on his desk.  Why didn't I take the time to research online for him and bring him things that would have brought comfort?  We get so busy with our kids we sometimes overlook other things.  I know I need to forgive myself and I think you need to as well.   I know deep down I did the best I could and you as well.  Your Dad would want you to let it go.  He wouldn't want you to hang onto blame or guilt.  He would want you to be there fully for his precious grandchild that he cared for.  It was his time and he's at peace now.  Be well.  Write anytime to let it out.  Sometimes just doing that to a listening ear is healing. 

NYE

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Sorry for your loss. Most parents will do everything for their kids and they would hide their feelings so their kids would not worry. My dad passed away unexpected last year as well and I felt very guilty bc I didn't get see him for the last time. It's still so unreal to me and I really missed him. Tears, guilts, regrets and heart ache would not bring him back. That was when my son was 11 months old. Parents make a lot of sacrifices and they did not ask anything in return. We all live our own lives or too dependent on the parents or too independence that we didn't take care of our parents more than we should. Live love learn.

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