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Lost my mother 3 weeks ago


ALEXINCHAINS

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ALEXINCHAINS

Hello everyone,

My name is rachel, and my mother lost her fight against Pancreatic cancer on July 16th 2014.

Normally im the life of the party, really cool chic to be around, but now i feel like their is no life left in me.... She was my best friend, and the thought of moving on w/ out her scares me shitless. I know I have to be strong for my daughter and everyone else around me leaning on me for support (brother, cousins, family friends ect..)  but its a huge cross to bare and i dont know if i have it in me to do it.

I guess im just seeking any kind of advice...advice from someone that has been through it.

 

 

thanx

-Rachel

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Hi Rachel,

 

You had posted a brief sentence on my forum letting me know you understood my pain.  How old was your mom?  Mine was 65.  Whatever the age, it's too young to lose a mom.  My mom passed exactly one week before yours.  Even though we knew her illness was terminal, the last week came and went in such a shock that I almost don't remember going through the motions.  But it has left me with a void that I don't believe will ever be filled.  I told my husband that I am changed forever.  I feel different about everything and everyone.  I smile, but it's forced.  The first two weeks after she passed, I didn't leave my PJs or even my bed much unless I had to. 

 

I saw a counselor one time and felt a little bit better, but relapsed after my mom's service/burial.  My son is my only real joy at the moment.  I'm sure your daughter is the same for you?  The only advice I think I can give at present is to look at the life still around you and and live for them.  My husband told me, "Our son needs his mommy back."  At the comment I had realized how absent I had been in the last few weeks from his little life, and that's unfair.  He needs me.  And that gets me through my day.  We talk about my mom "Nammy" and about how she's in heaven and not sick anymore!  My son wants to go there too.  Lol.  He's almost 3, so he doesn't understand everything, but his innocence and love for my mom makes me grateful she got to know him. 

 

Hang in there.  I can see light at the end of my tunnel.  It's far off, but I believe we can get there.  I know in my heart my mom would be devastated if she knew I was lingering on day in and out in this grief and sadness like I have been.  So for her, I try to perk up and live in her spirit and honor. 

 

I hope any of this helps.

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Yes. Sbelavek is absolutely right. Live for your loved ones. If they see u sad it will affect them physically and emotionally. It's not fair for husband nor kids to see u in depression. Thinking doesn't help. Actions will! Take a walk to let stress out.

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Yes. Sbelavek is absolutely right. Live for your loved ones. If they see u sad it will affect them physically and emotionally. It's not fair for husband nor kids to see u in depression. Thinking doesn't help. Actions will! Take a walk to let stress out.

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Rachel,

 

How are you doing?  Have you been able to smile and find any happiness at all?  Mine comes and goes.  Still haven't made it more than a day or two without crying.  It's my new normal.

 

 

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hi my name is viv i lost my mum on august 11th 2014 suddenly,she was my best friend i feel lost,i cry one minute then im ok the next dont know what to do or if iwhat im feeling is normal,im also looking foe advice and guidance from someone who knows how i feel....thanks viv

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viv48,

 

Totally normal.  It is very fresh and you have a lot of emotion to release.  It's a week shy of 2 months since my mom's passing and I'm crying nearly everyday, on some days several times.  It's my new normal.

 

For now, let it flow.  Don't try to suppress.  You don't need to be strong, you need to let the emotions come as they may.  Hang in there, you're not alone. 

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Live for your loved ones. If they see u sad it will affect them physically and emotionally It's not fair for husband nor kids to see u in depression. Thinking doesn't help. Actions will! Take a walk to let stress out.

 

I have a slightly different take than this.  I think it's normal to be sad when you lose a loved one, and I also think it's important for families to learn to respect each other's grief.  If you weren't sad at the loss of one family member, what would it say to the others?  My grandmother did not cry at all (at least not that anyone ever witnessed) when my uncle, and then my mother passed away, and if anything, it made my family wonder what on earth was wrong with her.

 

That said, I do think there are limits to what is healthy grieving and to what is sustainable when you need to care for yourself and your family.  When it became clear just before last Thanksgiving that things were only going to get worse for my mom, and I became depressed, and started crying uncontrollably everyday, I made a very thoughtful and conscious decision to try a low dose of an antidepressant to see if it would help.  Because like you all, I also have family who rely on me, I drew the line when I started to become dysfunctional.  And even though I'm generally anti-medication, and prefer to do things naturally and holistically, I'm so glad I did.  I'm still grieving for my mom, but I'm able to carry on with life, and care more effectively for my son, too.  

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Lost my mom a week ago. Miss her more then I've ever missed anyone. I try and put on a brave face during the day but at night when husband and son are asleep I wander the house crying. I go back to work tomorrow and I'm not sure I'm ready but really don't have a choice. And had to put the service off until the 27th due to the funeral home, so that's going to make it worse that her memorial service will be 2 weeks after she passed. I joke that only she would die the week before the funeral director and his family goes on vacation. I am just taking it minute by minute right now. Hugs

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