Lost my little brother to a suicide

[Joshua Tree]

I have thought about this for a while, whether or not to post anything. It feels like there is this melancholy that saturates everything I do now. I find no enjoyment in life now, it all just feels pointless. Anyways, my brother was a drug addict. Other than that he was a great person, a little self centered but arent we all. He was in an argument with my mom over money, the time she finally said NO, he went and killed himself. I dont think he wanted to die, I think it was a cry for help gone wrong. Bottom line is I miss him so much, there is so much I want to tell him but will never have the chance. Im typing on my phone so im gonna wrap this up. Sorry if this is rambling and incoherent, any help and experience is great.

[Imp]

Hi Joshua,

 

I truly understand how you are feeling or at least, understand how it feels to lose a little brother. I lost my own in April, it was an accidental overdose. Just like your own, my brother was a tad bit self centred, but like you said. Who is not at times.

 

It feels like you are drowning, the melancholy dragging you down. Stealing the colour and happiness out of life. It does make it all feel pointless, but neither of us can give up. I know my brother wouldn't want me to be this sad and I try to keep reminding myself of that. It is hard. I miss him like crazy.

 

It helped me to come here and ramble and rant. To know I was not alone and you are not. Lots of us here. Who understand. Who can offer advice (More then me!) and are willing to just listen. So please, don't struggle alone. 

 

Jo. 

[hopealways]

 

_Joshua-



_{Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.　 Sounds like you dearly loved him and didn't allow that love to cool off because of his struggles and weaknesses.　 I know this is a very hard time for you and your family. With suicide people are often dealing with the trauma as well as the grief.　 And that makes it different from other type of losses by death.　 I read a really insightful article in the AWAKE! magazine that dealt with the subject What if My Sibling Has Committed Suicide? and it suggested reaching out to a compassionate confidant to talk.  Also keep a list of comforting scriptural passages that you refer to at least once a day.  I have found that "getting outside my own head" by reading the Bible has been bigger assistance than I ever would have imagined.  I have been able to find passages that I feel have been personally written for me or passages that clearly communicated what I felt but found hard to put in my own words. The entire article was really good let me know if you would like a copy.  aliciano@yahoo.com}

[sadsis97]

Hi Joshua,

 

I want to start out saying how sorry I am, that I feel for you because im also going through almost the same thing. My brother was also an addict, and he also had a selfish side to him, but any addict does. I find the hardest thing in dealing with my brothers passing are the what if's, that's what suicide does, leaves you with so many questions that will forever be unanswered, and part of me resents anyone who chooses to take their own life because of that. It causes tremendous survivor guilt to people left behind, especially siblings and parents. What I hope for you, is that you learn to accept his death and stop being so hard on yourself. I know if you're reading this you're probably thinking, "well geez, you're feeling the same thing I am right now how can you tell me to simply accept a death that shouldn't of happened or could've been prevented" the answer is, if you're brother was as great of a person as you say, as I assume he was, he wouldn't want you to be this unhappy. Everyone says that, but I know its true. If you need to talk to anyone, to feel like someone understands what you're going through, know im here.