hello.

[alwaysmrsfersch]

My name is Alison, I'm twenty six. I don't even know if this will help, but I'm willing to try anything. My soulmate of a year a half collapsed in the shower last Tuesday night. I called the paramedics, performed CPR.

he died in my arms.

We have two cats who had to watch the entire ordeal from under our bed.

We never were legally married, but I will always be his wife.

I'm surrounded by people and love, but all I wanna do is go join him.

Please help.

[sim-law]

Hi Alison, so sorry for your loss. I don't know if it helps but young people like you are more resilient than oldies like me and it is possible that you can get through this horrible experience and have joy in your life once again. I am experiencing loss and pain like you and do not know where it will take me or if there is any hope left but we have to try to get through each day. Others on this site will no doubt be able to comment with more wisdom than me who is new to the grieving process as well.

Reach out for help and comfort wherever you can find it and do not let anyone try to tell you how to grieve as it is very individual and most people do not have any idea just how bad it is.

Wishing you peace and healing.

Simon

[hopealways]

Since loss affects everyone differently, I won't even begin to tell you how you should feel.  I read about an oriental priest who lost his kids in a tragedy followed by a debilitating disease.  He was recorded as saying "If only my anguish could be fully weighed and put on scales together with my calamity. For now it is heavier than the sands of the seas.  That is why my words have been wild talk."  So the emotional roller coaster and emotional  driven thoughts are not uncommon. 

 

I haven't buried a spouse but something that has personally helped me to cope with other surprising deaths in my life was to talk about what I was feeling. Not always easy to do but beneficial  Finding a sympathetic listener.  Avoiding the desire to isolate yourself is vital.  That truly can't be stressed enough.  I know personally I have to work hard at not isolating myself when experiencing a hard time because my natural personality is to be somewhat of a home body or loner.  And lastly a friend of mine buried his 27 year old wife after having been married for less than 3 years when she surprisingly died from a brain aneurysm.  He found reading and studying the Bible to be helpful.   It provided him with insight on certain subjects such as death and why it happens to good people and strengthened his relationship with God.  He also used his free time to volunteer so that he would not just be focusing on himself and the sadness.   My prayers are surely with you Alison.  May your prayers for peace and answers be heard by God. 

[HeyJude]

Hi Alison -

 

I am so sorry for your loss sweet lady.  This certainly isn't something someone of 26 expects to be experiencing.  I'm sorry that it is happening to you.

 

Simon is right in that you are young and you have a lifetime ahead of you.  I know your probably saying "crap...I don't want this lifetime, I just want to be with my love" and that is to be expected.  But down the road you will have the opportunity to build a new life.  Not like us old timers.  I don't feel like I have the time nor the energy to invest into another love.

 

It is totally normal to have the feelings of wanting to join to join him.  Many times I have felt I'd rather just die than have to experience this pain.  Someone who hasn't experienced the death of a partner has no idea what we are dealing with.  Not only has the love of our lives died but our future as we saw it dies too.  Many of us lose our identity as well because we only see ourselves as Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So.  The best things that you can do for yourself right now are to see if you can find a grief therapist or group in your area and start going.  Post here, we understand.  And like hopealways suggests, seek God or your Higher Power for guidance.

 

One thing I have learned in my years is that you have to allow yourself to experience your emotions.  If your sad, feel it, cry, scream, do whatever your inner self tells you to do...except anything that would hurt yourself.  And, as someone here has said before, be thankful for the great love that you had.  It is that great love that is creating such great sorrow.