Members sweetsarah Posted July 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2014 When I was first told of my Mom's stage IV endometrial cancer diagnosis and 2 year prognosis, I literally fell to my knees. She died one year to the day of her diagnosis on June 27, 2014. I am grateful that we had this past year together to grieve and prepare. But nothing could ever really prepare me for life without my Mom. I feel stunned by the having the experience of thinking someone you love is healthy one day, and then one year later, they're dead. Even though this has felt like the longest year of my life, I can't believe that it is already over. My Mom seemed like the healthiest one out of all of us and I never could have imagined that this would happen to her. She fought her heart out and went through all of her treatments like a champ, never feeling sorry for herself. In fact, she spent her sickest days still caring for others. I am so proud of her and will always admire her for her strength of character and big heart. I was there when she passed and the funeral is in two days. I experienced a lot of anticipatory grief while she was still with us, and the grief was tremendous during the first few days afterwards. But now, I feel like I'm in this state of disbelief, where it almost doesn't seem real that she is gone from this physical world. Then a real moment sets in, like when I realized a couple days ago that I will never be loved in the way that my Mom loved me. I still have my Dad and brother, who both love me tremendously, but nothing will ever come close to the bond that I had with my Mom. I've had my own battles with mental illness over the years, and my Mom stuck by my side, fought for me when I couldn't fight, believed in me when I felt hopeless, and even flew across the country to bring me home when I relapsed in the middle of my university semester. I've been much better over the past few years and I feel like we just really started to enjoy a friendship as adults together. I'm not married and never imagined her not being at my wedding, let alone when/if I have kids. But I guess the broken dreams are all a part of losing someone early. I know you are in heaven now Mom. May you rest in perfect peace and comfort. I miss you immensely and look forward to being together again one day. Until then, you will be with me, in my heart, each and everyday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Simetan Posted July 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2014 Sweetsarah my heart goes out to you, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don't think any amount of time can ever really prepare you for the loss of a loved one and as you say, you are grieving for not only the person up also the future that will never be. Your mum must have felt so proud of you as she watched you blossom and overcome your difficulties and no doubt she also wished that new level of friendship you had reached would continue. I think when someone loves us like that it can never be taken away, sadly the shape and expression of the love remains forever changed. I also find that time continues to play tricks, it can seem so quick and yet so long all at once, just as you described. Thinking of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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