Will I ever be okay again?

[Amychelle]

Both my parents died within 2 months of each other. This was in 2009 at this time of the year. I now live in my childhood home. I guess this makes it a lot harder getting over it. My parents were divorced for years when they passed. My mother dyed of brain cancer and for a long time before she died, she couldn't remember a lot of things, short term and long term. I feel like I missed out on a lot that bond and friendship that people say they have with their mom. My dad was an alcoholic and drug user. He committed suicide. I was in a fight with him when he did it. I wouldn't take his phone calls and then I hear that he's dead. I feel guilt!! I now live in the house that he an my mother built by themselves payday to payday. We worked on the build every weekend. I see them in so much here. Maybe that's why I find it so hard. I don't let my family know how much this effects me. I cry on the way to work when I'm alone. I don't want them to know that I'm still sad after 5 years. I don't want them to see me like this. I really wish I could get over it!

[ModKonnie]

Amychelle,

I am very sorry about the loss of your parents. I know you don't want others to see that you are sad, but you should talk to them about how you feel. Talking to people about your pain is a way to heal and move forward; if you don't talk about it, it is harder to move forward.

Because you have so many memories in the house you are living in, is it time to consider selling it or renting it out and moving somewhere else?

No matter how angry your were at your dad, or whether or not you ignored his phone calls, his suicide was absolutely NOT your fault. We all feel some guilt over the "what ifs" we have when our loved ones, die, but again, talking about them will help you sort through those guilty feelings. If you are unable to talk to others, then keep a journal or diary about how you feel. That will help, too.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie