I Lost my Mother and my Best Friend

[Pierce0558]

Hey everyone, guess I should introduce myself first. My name's Pierce, I'm 21 and I lost my Mom and my Best Friend a little more then a month ago. She was 56.

 

On June 5th, 2014 my mom passed away from a Blood clot in her lung. She was diagnosed with Tongue Cancer in early February and underwent surgery to remove part of her tongue a day after my Birthday on March 18, 2014. They reconstructed the tongue by taking tissue from her wrist and made it into a new tongue. They also grafted skin from her thigh to put over the wrist, which was still quite a shock to see.

She went through the Surgery perfectly, the doctor said it went as great as it could have went, and that they were confident that they had a clear margin of cancer free tissue, but she would still have to undergo at least 5-6 weeks of Radiation. That turned into 6 weeks of Radiation, which was 30 Treatments and 6 weeks of Chemotherapy since they found a lymph node that was cancerous. She healed considerably fast, although it was a slow process for her to begin talking and eating/swallowing again. But by late April she was able to talk almost perfectly, although she didn't think so, and even ate a Mozzarella Stick when we went out to eat at Applebees.

Then everything went downhill when she started the treatments, I won't get into the details but she was going through hell. The radiation was killing all her salivary glands, and she couldn't eat, taste or even swallow anything for weeks. She could barely get liquids in through her feeding tube, and although she was trying her best, she wasn't getting enough. She also had a bout with an infection called Thrush in her mouth, which was from the Radiation as well as a Staph Infection that landed her back in the hospital. But she got through that and was released a few days later.

My aunt and Cousin came out late May to help and visit with us, since my Mom's last treatment day was going to be tomorrow June 12th. Although she was going through Hell, she still talked and laughed with us for the duration of the week. She told me the night before that she was so miserable and I told her, "You only have a week left, we've gotten through the past few months. This is nothing." Then the next morning my Aunt woke me up saying my mom felt Dizzy, most likely from behind dehydrated and not having any food in her. So I called her nurse and she said to bring her in to get fluids in a few hours. So she got dressed and I wheeled her downstairs to go bring my car around and she said she felt like she was going to pass out. I tried to calm her and told her to take deep breaths. My Aunt followed down and told me to call the Nurse again, and they only put me on hold.

Then it started to get a little more serious when she passed out again, and I decided to call 911. They came in a few minutes and really didn't do a whole lot other then ask her questions she obviously wasn't up to answering. She complained of pain in her heart and said she wasn't able to breathe. Then when they moved her to the gurney, it was like a switch turned off inside of her. It was a horrible sight that I still can't get out of my mind, her eyes went in the back of her head and everything after that was a blur. They tried CPR in the ambulance but I think she was already gone before they got her inside.

I've been in pretty much shock ever since, I can barely eat, I sleep some but the worst part is waking up and having to remind myself that she's gone. It brings it all back every time. The service was on Monday and was nice, all of her friends and old friends showed up, they even had to bring out more chairs to fit everyone. My friends all showed up as well.

In the beginning I was coping okay, I just hate the fact that her last months/weeks/days she was so miserable. She was only 56 and still wanted to travel the world and see her grandkids be born someday. That and the fact that I'll never have dinner with her again or sit around and watch Game of Thrones or American Horror Story with her is really what's killing me the most inside. But at least she isn't suffering and I hope she's in a place wherever it is that she can find peace. It's just been hitting me harder the past few days that I'm really never going to see her again and I have to experience all this stuff without her.

 

On top of everything else I'm moving to a new apartment Tuesday that's by my work. It's a nice place but I've never lived by myself before so It's going to be rough. And on top of that I was in a car accident last Saturday that completely totaled my car. I wasn't hurt and neither was the other driver that was in the wrong, but the thing that bothered me most was the first thing I wanted to do was call her. And I simply couldnt.

 

Here's a picture of her as well. Her name was Catherine, but she loved to be called Cat.

 

[Teresa1014]

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom seven years ago, she was my best friend and the person who was always there for me. I feel very lonely sometimes, I know she would not want me to grieve for her and would want me to have a happy life. If I didn't see her, I would talk to her on the phone every day. I know I'm not really getting over it the way I should, so I decided to make an appointment to talk to someone about it. I hope you start feeling better soon, and don't think of your mom as gone forever, she is still with you in spirit. Keep talking to her, and have faith that you will see her again someday. If you have trouble feeling better as time goes on, talk to a professional, don't wait as long as I did. Your mom is a beautiful woman, I'm sure she is very proud of you and is watching over you. Take care....

[missingmymama]

I am so sorry. My mother passed away at 56 too. Its been four and a half month. It's the most horrible thing that can ever happened to me, I still cry everyday so I know how hard it must be for you, especially when its so unexpected. But even though my mother had stage four cancer, I still couldn't prepare for her passing. LIke you said, its so hard to get over the pain she went through and all the freaking stuff she couldn't do anymore, she couldn't enjoy life, she can't do anything with me anymore and I lost my most important person and I wish I know a way out of this hell..but unfortuantely I don't

[attorneydavid]

Pierce,

 

I know this is a late response. But this is the first time I feel up to registering. I read your post and it reminded me so much of my mother who I lost June 10th.

 

I'm 36 and my mother was 68 but I had much of the same relationship though ours had developed so much as I got older.

 

Its good to read your story because I felt a bit left out being so close to Mother but a male. It seems like everyone saying their Mother was their best friend is a woman. I can relate about phone calls. Fortunately I haven't had a wreck in the past month and a half but I've had so many little things I just wanted to call her about. I called her everyday and it was the best part of my day.

 

When we went out to eat and just talked are my favorite memories, though when I told her that she'd kid me about it.

 

I just finished the 4th season of game of thrones and I'm so sad she won't get to finish it.

 

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to share emails or talk about how wonderfull our mothers were.

 

David

[Bri.Comp]

Pierce,

I just finally made an account and felt that replying could help me because we have a lot in common. I am 23 and lost my mom two months ago to breast cancer. Her battle was extremely grueling and truly took control of her in her last days. Recently it is like I woke up from a nap and realized she is gone. I have been coping but recently it has become unbearable. My friends at work and even my wife try so much to help but the truth is no one understands what we are going through. The day before I lost my mom she kept grabbing my hand and telling me she's been waiting her whole life to tell me this and when I asked her what she said I love you so very much. She kept smiling and making kissy faces so I would give her a kiss and that thought is constantly in my mind. Truth is the pain isn't coming from losing her it's from all the things she will miss. I think about how she will never be there once I'm pregnant or when I graduate college or anything and that hurts more than anything. Please feel free to message me or email me bcompton21@yahoo.com I think we could help each other out a lot.

[Reflections]

For some reason, my post showed up twice. Deleted this copy.

[Reflections]

Your mother looks lovely, Pierce. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my mother too 10 months ago and still miss talking to her (and I think I always will). The impulse to share news, both good and bad, hasn't gone away. Over time though, the sorrow's grown softer and a little easier to bear.

Your loss is new and traumatic. Please be kind to yourself. Don't place expectations on your grief. Every time I feel I must be coping better, something will unexpectedly cause me to tear up. But I cope better for longer stretches of time with each passing month.

For me, it took nine months before happier memories resurfaced spontaneously. I was told it would eventually happen but I didn't believe it. I hope in time you'll be able to remember your mother from happier times too. Losing your mother is tough at any age but especially so when you're young. Again, I'm sorry you lost your mother far too early in her life and in yours. You're in my thoughts.