my dad will never be the same

[merephantom]

About 2 years ago my dad had a mild stroke (he has had one before) along with some other issues, gland problem and found some small tumors - they can be removed easily but have grown back). Anyway his confusion and such were getting worse, he seemed to be hallucinating a lot and got really bad last summer, but still remembered a lot and told his old stories. But now we know its dementia and now all he really does is watch dvds of westerns (he never seemed to be into them before).

I just visited my parents this past weekend and now its just hitting me. In a way he has died, he isn't the same anymore and never will be. My dad wasn't perfect, he had a horrible temper, was stubborn, but always provided for me and cooked for me. Even when I was older living at home with Social Anxiety.

I've always felt like my parents have been the only family I have. I'm not close to my other relatives, except for maybe my youngest sister and after that maybe my middle sister. But they are all I have really.

As a loner (that has rarely had any friend as an adult because of shyness and severe social anxiety) this is hurting me, in some ways I think I was scared to move out of my parents house because I knew I would be alone no matter where I went. I've started to build a small meager life in the city I'm in, but its not as strong as I would like it and could fall apart at any moment.

What I've feared so long is coming closer and closer to becoming true, losing my parents. They are getting older and so am I. My mom had a stroke last year that made it hard for her to use her right arm and she struggles to speak, she is doing good, but it has affected her.
 

Last night I started crying and really am having a problem stopping now. I'll never have the dad I once did again and I'll be all alone, almost 40, no kids, no friends as an adult except a few brief months every few years, never married, never had a relationship, not close to family, quiet, no social skills, socially inept.

[ModKonnie]

Merephantom,

I'm so very sorry about your struggles. Have you considered going to a counselor or therapist? Would joining a support group be too nerve wracking? I know this--it is never too late to make some changes. You are not old, and you are certainly young enough to make some positive changes. Perhaps attending a church or spiritual group, taking a class, or even just joining a gym may help your social anxiety and help you find a few good people to talk to.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[merephantom]

Merephantom,

I'm so very sorry about your struggles. Have you considered going to a counselor or therapist? Would joining a support group be too nerve wracking? I know this--it is never too late to make some changes. You are not old, and you are certainly young enough to make some positive changes. Perhaps attending a church or spiritual group, taking a class, or even just joining a gym may help your social anxiety and help you find a few good people to talk to.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

I was in counseling off and on for 10yrs, I dont plan on that again. I've done support groups and people with bipolar and depression only talk about meds (which I did for 2yrs and do not believe in), plus their stories are nothing like mine. They have lived normal lives, the life of someone with social anxiety is totally different than your regular depressed/bipolar person. Church never helped. I've dont a lot of things to work on my SA and while I've gotten better, I'm still suffering from the fact I don't know what I'm doing. Anyway I just wanted to rant, no one on here will understand extreme social anxiety, its something only people with social anxiety understand. I'm just pissed that I'm losing my dad.

[ModKonnie]

Merephantom,

You may rant here all you want and there will be no judgment, just support. Are you able to work with your social anxiety?

ModKonnie

[Emilyella]

I can relate to you. Two years ago (when I was 16) my father was diagnosed with Lung cancer. He was still himself mostly, but last year he had a stroke and cancer was found in his brain. He started getting reallly confused and forgetting things, seeing things, and the list goes on and on, At 17 I was his only caretaker and i often felt like a parent, I always said it was like he had already died and it wasnt him in that body, But remember that he still needs you and that it may seem like he is gone, but he will always be in your heart and that he will be in peace someday. My dad passed away two months ago and it is really difficult, but parents are forever angels and will always somehow be with us.