Returning to Work

[Steph123]

I lost my husband on 9 March and have returned to work on a part time basis until I feel I am ready to go back full time.  I was encouraged by my family and friends to return to work as they said it would help me, which in some ways it has, but I have also found it more upsetting as I am remembering all the routines my husband and I had first thing in the morning when getting ready for work and then again in the evening.   I know life goes on and that time is a healer but I feel that by returning to work and the usual routines I have taken 3 steps forward and 4 steps back.  I also know it is early days for me but I felt really down at work today and did get upset a little.  Did anybody else find that they got more upset when trying to return to some form of normality. 

[MissKylie]

Hi Steph,

 

So sorry for your loss. To be honest, no matter how much we try to be normal, we will just find "new normal" in our life.

 

I lost my 5 year old daughter to cancer on a New Year's day this year. She's my world and since then, I've been limping, searching for my daughter, still hoping to see her again.

 

I returned to work 3 weeks after as same as you are, family & friends advised it would help to find something to do than seclude myself in the room.

 

The routine...i keep myself very busy specially on the time that would make me remember of our routine. 

 

Please be gentle with yourself.

 

-Kylie's Mommy - Cherry

[Dr. Pat]

Hello Steph -

 

Each of us is different in how we grieve. There is no one right way to do it, nor even a formula that works for everyone. It is possible you've returned too soon, or for too much time. You might try cutting down on your hours. Keep the hours at home that help you with your grief work. For example, if getting out for a walk had to be eliminated at the beginning of your day because of having to get ready for work, put that back in. You'll know it when you've hit the right balance. And, of course, the balance will keep on shifting. Grieving is the most difficult work you will ever do. None of us get lessons in how to do this. We are all surprised and caught off guard by loss. 

 

I found the coming home to the empty, dark house the hardest. I help with that I put lights on timers so there are some lights on when I get home. I also leave the radio playing on a favorite music station. Having the home filled with music when I come in from work is like a greeting from my love. About once a week I invite someone in for supper. There's an older man down the street that lost his wife of 58 years recently. He doesn't cook. He really enjoys our time together. We talk about our lost loved ones. It helps me by being able to give something to someone else. 

 

Here's a link to a free seminar with seven definite ways to help yourself redefine what "normal" is now.

 

All my best,

Pat, Thriving Despite Grief

 

 Here is the link to the registration page: http://tinyurl.com/lu7y3ge