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Lost my father a week ago. 4/7/14


Syrpies

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Hello everyone,

 

I am not fond of showing emotions to anyone other then my family but here we go. My father was 57 years old and died sudden of an abdominal aortic aneurysm, death certificate said Hypertensive Heart Disease... which none of us (my sister and mom and I) knew he had. My mom and dad split up when I was younger and I moved out and got with my now husband a few years ago. I am 25 about to turn 26 this month. He was very alone because me and my mom live states away and my sister lives 4 hours away. I know he hurt and was in alot of pain from his back, hip and knee. but i guess I am having problems accepting his death so soon. I of course flipped out and fell to the floor when I found out but I feel very numb to it.

 

I have always been a very happy person and even at work I am very happy still  ( as long as no one talks about it). It really doesnt seem real. Like I am waiting for his phone call or skype call. He died within minutes, he was literally on facebook 25 minutes before he died. I can't even put into words how I feel, except lost. I don't even know what my question is.... just need someone who can relate. and just get stuff off my chest that have been through the same thing.

 

Thanks

 

Sarah M. 

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Sarah M,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. My father did not die suddenly; instead, he suffered and lingered for months. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still a sudden shock when it happened. Loss is never, ever easy. Of course you miss your father and weren't prepared.

 

How long ago did this happen? Are you able to talk about it with anyone? There are many here who have suffered similar situations. They will be able to offer you support and encouragement. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie 

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I only lost him on the 7th of this month. I know i'm still in the raw grieving phase. and I know everyone grieves different, but I don't know how to feel anymore. I have no regrets, I know he loved me and I know he knew I loved him we spoke only a week before he died. So i know we were on good terms and what not. I am glad that he died sudden instead of suffered. he was already in alot of pain from another condition. Also, since my mother and him split up he has been lonely especially since I moved away he was really lonely. we all talked pretty regularly. Im just lost. 

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It's perfectly normal to feel lost and feel nothing or to feel everything imaginable, including anger, loneliness, confusion, fear and panic. Things will get better. I know that doesn't help at the moment, but it's true. It's just going to take some time. So, you talk to your sister? How is she feeling? The same as you?

When my father died, I just tried to concentrate on getting through each day at first. Then, I began to try to remember all the happy times instead of the whole dying experience.

ModKonnie

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Brookecooper

I lost my mom to cancer 2 and a half months ago, just like you it was very sudden. Im only 19 years old and i found that yes, it is very hard to cope. Use your friends and family as your rock walls, that is honestly what got me through the toughest time of my life. As well, definitely try and keep busy, but allow yourself to cry. Crying is very healthy for someone who's dealing with grief, and my last little bit of advice for you, is even if you feel like all the walls are closing in on you, and you dont know how to think or react to some things, just know that you're not alone

 

xx 

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My sister, mom, and I all talk. Almost daily. She is the executor of the will so she has alot of her plate. When we were all at his house the day after he passed, there was alot of laughing. My dad was an extremely funny and unorthodox man. There was not enough words to describe him. When you were sad he would cry with you, angry he would be mad with you and all the other times he would just make you laugh. The most sarcastic man ever. My mom is having the hardest time. My dad and her were about to move back in together but it didn't happen yet. They have basically never been separated except on a piece of paper. I really don't think my mom will live that much longer. She swears she is going to die of Broken Heart Syndrome. Even my sister says she has never seen my mom so close to suicide. .... I want to heal everyone. including myself. and I know it takes times. I don't have alot of friends who I can confide in.... and my husband just wants to fix me. talking with other people who share the same loss I think will help.

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Thank you Brooke, and I am sorry to hear about your mom. We thought my dad had cancer on his lip, large black spot. He didnt take care of himself. If he didnt die from the heart disease I was sure he would die of cancer. He also had Hep C from a blood tranfusion back in the 70s and that was his secondary cause of death. Hep C and insurance doesnt work very well together. Preexisting condition kept him from moving with my mom, he already paid 800 a month for insurance. I just have to remember that he isnt in pain anymore.  

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