losing my kitten :(

[sonia121]

I've never really been on something like this but the death of my gorgeous kitten Charlie is just so overwhelming I don't know what to do I'm constantly reminded of him but everytine I think about all the cute and sweet good times I keep remembering the sight of him on the road helpless and in pain. He ran out on the middle of the road luckily didn't get crushed but still the impact was such that his jaw was shattered and instantly blind in one eye my family rushed to take him to a emergency hospital where they said he was responding but his injuries were very bad I keep thinking about how my mum picked him off the road and brought him home and the way he was struggling to breathe just makes me cry when I think about it, I think it's worse because I was the one who saw him lying there in that state does anyone know how I can get those horrible images out of my mind? We decided to put him down this morning because the vets said he's unlikely to survive the numerous surgeries required and this would be the nicest thing to do

I'm sorry for going on and on but I don't know how to get past this the house doesn't feel the same and it makes me cry just thinking of him to make it worse he didn't even get to reach his first birthday!

[Heartlight]

Oh sonia, I'm sorry about your kitty and I'm so sorry you had to see that.  It's so hard when we get an image in our minds in the middle of a traumatic moment.  It's something that is very hard to leave us.

 

Although it isn't going to help your pain go away, please remember that seeing that image in your mind is very natural.  When we are in the middle of an emotional trauma, our subconscious mind is very vulnerable to the stimuli around us.  We can imprint images, sounds or smells extremely strongly at those times.  I have a similar one with my kitty that we had to put to sleep when I was 17; plus, it happens in people when their human loved one die too.

 

My best advice is to not run away from that hurtful image, but allow yourself to cry and feel all the horrible sadness that image makes you feel - that your poor kitty had to go through that, that you couldn't do anything to help him, and that you don't understand why life has to be this way... all the things you want to cry about.  Until you accept that you feel all these things, they will keep trying to be felt and accepted by you.

 

It is so natural to be hurting and to be remembering something like what you saw.  If you are gentle with yourself and don't add to your suffering the judgement for having these feelings or that image, you will be able to love yourself into a different place, where you can then remember a different image of georgous Charlie.

 

<3

[sonia121]

Thank you so much for your reply it was really nice of you to take the time to read my post and I have been crying I didn't think it was possible to cry so much to make it worse the atmosphere around the house just isn't the same anymore we treated him like our child even though he was a kitten he was perfect for us he didn't mind being held or having baths and he used to sleep in all of our beds something I'm going to miss so much I havnt even been to the road since I know I'll start crying again I think seeing it all in front of me and knowing he was only a kitten makes the whole thing worse and the fact that he was such a pure innocent creature but his life had to end in such a horrible and painful way just seems so unfair I used to love going home because he was the first thing I'd call out for what happened to your kitten when you were 17? Was he/she I'll or was it an accident aswell? Thanks again for your comment I really appreciate it

[Heartlight]

Hi again, sonia.

 

My cat we put to sleep when I was 17 was old and had an inoperable tumour on his neck.  My trauma image that I had so much trouble releasing was seeing him look at me, so scared, on the examination table at the vet.

 

When my sister died, it took a week for us to have the memorial service.  Between the day of her dying and the memorial service, I barely did anything but what was required.  I had a wonderful friend who helped me eat.  At the after-service luncheon, someone said something that made me laugh.

 

When I was 21, someone died at my work.  Between the day that he died and the funeral, there was no laughter in a place that was usually filled with laughter.  The day after his funeral, I heard the laughter start to come back.

 

I mention these things because, if Charlie was like a part of the family and if you feel that difference in your household, maybe it would be beneficial for you to have a memorial service?  A memorial service is just like a funeral only that the loved one isn't being buried.

 

Do you think if you planned something, your family would participate?  A memorial service can be a way to start honouring our lost love's memory.  It can be a first step into feeling the good parts of our lost relationship instead of the bad.

 

<3