Dreading my mother's funeral....

[mwruby1]

As a child growing up, I never could picture a life without my mother, for she meant everything to me. I could not grasp the fact one day she will leave me. Unfortunately, the day has come.... In exactly one day, I will be attending my mother's funeral, so she can finally be buried. I am so nervous about attending to the point I was not going to attend, but I cannot just not attend my mother's service. This will be the last time I will see her body she had on earth before she is buried. I think knowing this is what gets to me most. How do I say goodbye? I am having anxiety attacks, feeling of knots in my stomach, I cannot eat, sleep, and it is hard for me to find a place where I am at least alright. I've dropped so much weight, to the point my clothes are so big on me... I am even taking medication my therapist prescribed for something else, so I can feel numb, to stop the heartache for a while.... I am so afraid seeing my mother in a casket will get to me more than the day I saw her getting CPR right before she died. I won't be able to do anything to bring her back, whereas before I use to make sure she was OK.... Did anyone find themselves in a similar situation. If so, how did you cope? How does one feel after the burial?

[cindyjane]

Bella ... I am so sorry for your loss.  Tomorrow will be a tough day for sure and I will keep you in prayer for comfort during this difficult time.  I hope that it helps to know that your mom is more peaceful now than she could ever have been in this life.  I saw my mom slowly pass away and for the first couple of weeks when I thought about her, my thoughts were of her struggles toward the end,  I did a lot of self talk and started focusing my thoughts on the good times I had with her over the years.  I went through photographs and reminisced (in tears) about what a blessing it was to have her for my mom.   It was difficult to feel grateful after she left us but the truth is, I am very grateful to have had her for a mom.   The love for your mom shines through in your post so I know that you are also grateful to have such a wonderful mother.  I hope that you can keep the the feeling of gratefulness for your dear mother tomorrow and always.  Take care.  

 

Cindy

[sarah1681]

we just went through the same thing with my mom she was 53 years old she died suddenly it was so hard saying goodbye i held her hand and told her i loved her my life will never be the same without her i cry about her alot just to hear her voice again to see her smile my mom has been gone 24 days its still hard to believe that i will NEVER see her again :*(

[mydadwassuperman]

Oh yes.  I also lost the weight, got very sick, broke out in hives, have not been able to eat, for months, and have been prescribed the medication.  Believe it or not, you CAN "just not go" to your parent's funeral.  I would not be able to bear it and could certainly not maintain any kind of composure.  Actually I could not get out of bed and was wracked with pain, physically, everywhere.  The people close to me understood completely--especially my mother.  The people not close to me I don't really give a rat about, and other family members told them I was simply overwhelmed with grief and couldn't do it.  I wonder whether I will look back and regret missing his funeral.  But I did what I believed I had to at the time.