Members mwruby1 Posted April 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 5, 2014 I am finding it difficult to do any of my daily activities, such as working out, homework, relaxing, watching shows I recorded, going to the grocery store, cooking, being alone,etc.... I feel so empty....heartbroken. It doesn't help I found out my mother death was due to negligence from the nursing home she was residing. The thought my mother's death could have been avoided with proper care really bothers me. I honestly don't know how to move on from this.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ouch and confused Posted April 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 5, 2014 That is the difficult part. The depression really causes those first things you listed. Perhaps you may want to consider some medication? It could help with that if you find one that works for you. Have you thought about perusing legal action? If there is negligence, that is something they should be punished for, and maybe that punishment or at least an attempt could help with some of those feelings. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted April 10, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2014 Hi Carmen's daughter I am so sorry for your loss. The things you describe are exactly how I felt when I lost my mom. The thing is, we love our mothers so much therefore all of those tough feelings when they leave us are quite normal. The emptiness you speak of, was the worst for me ... still is but gratefully as time goes on, I get a strong sense that even though she isn't here, she is still with me. I am going through something similar with inadequate/improper care while my mom was dying in the hospital. I got her chart and after reading it through and seeing some negligence I am going to set up a meeting with a patient advocate to express some of the things that need to be addressed. This will not bring my mother back but I am hoping that it helps the next family that is going through this kind of thing. People/institutions need to be accountable and speaking up will help. Take care of YOU and know that your life will slowly get better as time goes by. Cindy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members momo Posted April 10, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2014 Hi,My mom passed away 20 years ago and my dad passed away on March 19.I havent lived very close to my dad in years and begged him to move closer to me but he wouldn't. So he would get sick, go to the hospital, recover, go home and then do this off and on again for several years. This last time he had a uti with sepsis and pnemonia. I was told the pneumonia is what he died from and not the uti.I was told the sepsis cleared through a 24 hour running dose of antibiotics. I couldn't get to him right away because of commitments with my kids and he kept seeming to rally and be ok and even scheduled to go to a rehab facility. I scheduled my flight with my kids to see him and he passed the night before my flight. 8 hours before i would be there! I feel sick about this. He died alone in a hospital without us. My heart aches and i feel so guilty for not being there to monitor the doctors, nurses, hospital, etc. And of course I wonder if they did not treat him properly or if there was any type of negligence involved in his care. A neighbor would check on him at least once a day and tell me how things were going. And I was able to off and on converse with my dad. I really did think he was going to be fine but he wasn't and here I am once again second guessing myself and feeling guilty. And I wonder if he knew he wasn't going to make it. At the very end. I just wish i could have hugged him, told him I loved him and been there when he passed. I feel absolutely sick for not being there. It's only been 3 weeks and I know people think I should get over it already and move on. After all, he lived a full long life. And I will never get over it. I will just live a different life without my dad. I learned to live without my mom but I still miss her. And this is how it will be with my dad. But give my time to heal and grieve! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tossed-into-the-Sea Posted April 10, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2014 I have to force myself to shower. . . Bella, i had to quit school. I wasn't there when my mom died. I found out through a facebook post I was tagged in. I hadn't seen my mom in 5 months when she passed. I wasn't invited to the funeral or the wake. So I stay in my room. I've left my room 4 times (I mean, of course I've been in other parts of the house, but I've left my room with a purpose 4times) in 18days. My boyfriend tells me how lazy and useless I am constantly. And all I can think is, "why don't you just shut the hell up?". As for moving on. . . I don't know if it ever happens when loss breaks your heart and takes away a part of you. I think we can gather ourselves and continue living, but part of us will always be stuck on the pain of our lost loved one(s). Of course, I am no expert and I'm only nineteen, but that is my opinion. If you ever need someone to talk to, we're always here *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mwruby1 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Hello Ouch and Confused, Thanks for your advice about medication. I have met with a therapist who prescribed medication for me to sleep, which seems to help me sleep so far. Yes, I do plan on seeking legal actions due to the negligence my mother endured. Thanks for responding to my post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mwruby1 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Hi Carmen's daughter I am so sorry for your loss. The things you describe are exactly how I felt when I lost my mom. The thing is, we love our mothers so much therefore all of those tough feelings when they leave us are quite normal. The emptiness you speak of, was the worst for me ... still is but gratefully as time goes on, I get a strong sense that even though she isn't here, she is still with me. I am going through something similar with inadequate/improper care while my mom was dying in the hospital. I got her chart and after reading it through and seeing some negligence I am going to set up a meeting with a patient advocate to express some of the things that need to be addressed. This will not bring my mother back but I am hoping that it helps the next family that is going through this kind of thing. People/institutions need to be accountable and speaking up will help. Take care of YOU and know that your life will slowly get better as time goes by. CindyCindyjane, I am sorry about the lost of your mother. Did you meet with anyone as of yet to discuss your concerns about what you found in your mothers chart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mwruby1 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Hi,My mom passed away 20 years ago and my dad passed away on March 19.I havent lived very close to my dad in years and begged him to move closer to me but he wouldn't. So he would get sick, go to the hospital, recover, go home and then do this off and on again for several years. This last time he had a uti with sepsis and pnemonia. I was told the pneumonia is what he died from and not the uti.I was told the sepsis cleared through a 24 hour running dose of antibiotics. I couldn't get to him right away because of commitments with my kids and he kept seeming to rally and be ok and even scheduled to go to a rehab facility.I scheduled my flight with my kids to see him and he passed the night before my flight. 8 hours before i would be there!I feel sick about this. He died alone in a hospital without us. My heart aches and i feel so guilty for not being there to monitor the doctors, nurses, hospital, etc. And of course I wonder if they did not treat him properly or if there was any type of negligence involved in his care. A neighbor would check on him at least once a day and tell me how things were going. And I was able to off and on converse with my dad. I really did think he was going to be fine but he wasn't and here I am once again second guessing myself and feeling guilty. And I wonder if he knew he wasn't going to make it. At the very end. I just wish i could have hugged him, told him I loved him and been there when he passed. I feel absolutely sick for not being there.It's only been 3 weeks and I know people think I should get over it already and move on. After all, he lived a full long life.And I will never get over it. I will just live a different life without my dad. I learned to live without my mom but I still miss her. And this is how it will be with my dad. But give my time to heal and grieve!Hello Momo, I can definitely imagine how you feel. I am feeling the exact same thing at the moment. I lost my dad 3 years ago, and now my mother. Yes, I do agree we have to give ourselves time to grieve, despite what people think. Have you request his records, to see exactly what happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mwruby1 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 I have to force myself to shower. . . Bella, i had to quit school. I wasn't there when my mom died. I found out through a facebook post I was tagged in. I hadn't seen my mom in 5 months when she passed. I wasn't invited to the funeral or the wake. So I stay in my room. I've left my room 4 times (I mean, of course I've been in other parts of the house, but I've left my room with a purpose 4times) in 18days. My boyfriend tells me how lazy and useless I am constantly. And all I can think is, "why don't you just shut the hell up?". As for moving on. . . I don't know if it ever happens when loss breaks your heart and takes away a part of you. I think we can gather ourselves and continue living, but part of us will always be stuck on the pain of our lost loved one(s). Of course, I am no expert and I'm only nineteen, but that is my opinion. If you ever need someone to talk to, we're always here *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mwruby1 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Hello tossed into the sea,I am sorry to hear about your mother.... May I ask why weren't you invited to attend your mother's service? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members momo Posted April 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Hi Bella,I live about 1500 miles from my childhood home and that is where my dad passed.His services (one where he passed and one where he is being interred) are delayed until June. And I will be spending a lot of the summer going through his house.I think that is when I will go to the hospital and request his hospital records. And hopefully I will get them and be able to understand them!I agree with CindyJane that hospitals and their staff need to be held accountable for their actions. We entrust our loved ones with them.Because I have so many questions, this is the only way I will be able to once and for all resolve any questions I have and move on.Take care. I am trying to eat better, exercise and sleep because I know my Dad would never want me to hurt or be in pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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