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I don't want to hear it


Karen.Lyn

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Day 48. I don't want to hear how it takes time. I know it takes time. I get that. It's not helping me.

I don't want to hear that I'll get through this because I'm strong. I don't even want to get through this. I think about taking my own life several times a day.

I start every day telling myself to try, because it might get better and because Andy wanted me to go on. He always expected to go first and said so.

Because I love him, I'll keep trying.

I just don't want to hear about it.

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I understand Karen, I too am tired of hearing the same mantra over and over. Especially from those that have no clue, as to what we are going through. I question the merits of my still being here everyday. I really haven't found any good reasons, but like you I made a promise and I still think there may be a reason to continue the battle.

My heart goes out to you and I think of you often.

I hope that you find some comfort in the fact that I do understand and that you aren't alone.

With high regard,

Ern

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You don't have that much time put in yet, Karen. When people say that it takes time, they mean that it takes a lot of time, and it doesn't get better just because X amount of time has passed. So far, for me, months 2 and 3 were the hardest, and it's letting up a little now. That's not to say that month 6 will be even better. It may not be better, and in fact, month 6 may be worse. Since I'm not there yet, I don't know. When I lost my son, it took YEARS to get better, not months. There is no choice besides living through it, or choosing the alternative. I personally have never considering killing myself. When it is my time to go, it will not be at my own hands, but at the time that God, Fate, or whatever we choose to call it decides. I was given life, and however crappy it may be at times, I am dedicated to seeing it through.

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Sorry Lizzy, I was just venting. Besides, I did say "I it takes time. I get that." I just get tired of hearing it.

Thanks for caring.

You too Ern. :)

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Sorry Lizzy, I was just venting. Besides, I did say "I it takes time. I get that." I just get tired of hearing it.

Thanks for caring.

You too Ern. :)

I was just venting too, Karen. No matter what people say, this is just something that we will have to go through, and come out on the other side of it.

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KL I wish I had some brilliant gem to help - I do hope venting here (or wherever - eg the other day I just let out a yell in the house which did seem to help a little - good thing I live alone!) helps and knowing we more or less "get it." I also got tired of hearing some of those tired bleeping platitudes as well, even if they are true. Guess I'm just saying I can relate generally - even to the point of wondering what's the point of continuing. But I also made a promise and figure I have nothing to lose by "trying" (even if "trying" sometimes simply means making it through the day) - and while everyone's journey is different of course, I will say those first months were most definitely the hardest. I hesitate to even suggest this, but maybe seeing someone and considering some meds might help?

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Karen.. I am sorry! Hugs to you! I hate hearing a lot of things lately! Its funny how somedays I can actually function and feel like "yes Jody you can do this" then other days I don't want to get out of bed and function at all! I sometimes just want to be alone, cry, sleep and eat Whoppers!!! So I wont say those words to you! I will say Thank you for the talks we have had because I am not sure you know how much you have helped me! <3

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junglee queen

Hey dear,

im reading a book called messages to god . I started writing questions to god and write down the answers that come to my mind .i keep asking about my guy what is he doing and what does he want me to do at the moment? . i know that many would think its useless and crazy but i suggest that you give it a try . I do it before going to sleep every night . I noticed that i stopped seeing nightmares , since i started writing . with lots of love

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Wish i had some words of wisdom , or healing, or peace to offer that wouldn't sound trite or overused. Since i don't feel very original at the moment.. I'll just say to you all.. i hope we all make it through the dark times , to a more peaceful day ahead. Thinking about you- Silver

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I know how you feel Karen, sometimes I can"t handle "it will get better with time", "take it easy", "your so strong" etc etc. Wouldn't it be nice if these people could feel for a flash moment what we are feeling, wonder then what they would say to us after that.

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I know how you feel Karen, sometimes I can"t handle "it will get better with time", "take it easy", "your so strong" etc etc. Wouldn't it be nice if these people could feel for a flash moment what we are feeling, wonder then what they would say to us after that.

I'm sure we'd find them saying the same things. I know I do. And I feel bad when I do because I know how it feels hearing them over and over. We just don't have the answers to what we need.

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i dont think anyone does. Its a tough one. My reaction to such things has always been just to hug the person tight, even if i dont know them. That human contact says far more than any words ever could, and id rather hug someone who didnt want to be hugged than not hug someone who was desperate for some sort of contact. Sometimes events transcend social mores. Other than that i try not to say anything much......usually theres nothing to say and unless the person wants to talk i dont bother trying...i just try to make sure they know im there. I will forever be grateful to the group of my friends who stood by me during the hard hours of the funeral service. They didnt tell me things would be ok, they were just there for me and that helped..

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The drummer's wife

It sucks to hear all the seemingly empty platitudes but honestly most people have no idea what to say...they want to acknowledge our pain and loss yet most can't begin to understand what it is we are feeling...and quite frankly...I would like to acknowledge my pain and loss but I too have no idea what to say to me and I also can't begin to understand all it is I am feeling...so, I cut the well-wishers some slack...it can't be easy being around me..ultimately, I am grateful for their concern.

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I don't want to hear it any more. 1376677120

Karen, my dad died on two weeks ago. Ever since then I have thought often about people who lost a child or spouse, I wonder how one remains sane after losing a child or husband. I am so sorry for your loss.

Your post spoke to my heart because I was also tired of words. For me the worst is when people ask me "How are you?" I want to say: " How do you think I am? The only feelings I feel are negative so don't bother asking."

I have learned that words mean nothing, the less words the better. On the day of my dad's funeral my cousin (who lost her mother to cancer 4 years ago) just squeezed my hand and said nothing. That meant more to me than any words.

The first week I didn't even want to talk to friends/family who had not lost an immediate family member, cause I knew they couldn't possibly understand.

Anyway, thank you for your post. I also don't want to hear trite words from people who haven't suffered loss.

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Pkgirl. U said it for me too! I lost my partner 3 wk ago. I kn friends& family mean well, but the "how are you's"? I wanna say so bad how do u really thk I am?????? He wuz my heart, my everything. Together everyday. 8yrs. Til people go thru what we're going thru, they don't have a clue!!!! Now when they ask I just say one word"maintaining".I don't feel like going thru the same explanation anymore.And I'm sorry for your loss.

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