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God, help me make it thru the night


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#1 Austykatie

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 12:45 PM

Thank you so much Mermaid Tears, you described what I am going thru to a tee. Today I have opted to just stay in bed, watch movies, get on computer and try not to think, that is until my pastor came by and we had a good talk, now back in the bed, just gonna rest today since I hardly slept last night, and am going to daughter house tomorrow after church. Thanks again, your words helped


Today marks a month sine I lost my husband tragically to a snowmobile accident on the river, he is still missing but presumed deceased. We have had friends or family stay with us every night since or we go to their house. Tonight I have decided done my 16 year old son went back to work today and they are going back to school on Monday,that we are staying home by ourselves! There are 4 of us I know we can do it! I will go into to chat tonight though in case you need someone to talk to while I try and fall asleep! I usually take Xanax t night to help me rest. God bless!

#2 Sammijo2424

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 12:30 PM

Thank you so much Mermaid Tears, you described what I am going thru to a tee. Today I have opted to just stay in bed, watch movies, get on computer and try not to think, that is until my pastor came by and we had a good talk, now back in the bed, just gonna rest today since I hardly slept last night, and am going to daughter house tomorrow after church. Thanks again, your words helped

#3 Mermaid Tears

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 11:08 AM

Well, I did live thru the night, though was very tough, thankfully got to talk to some great people in chat, for anyone who has not tried chat, I encourage you to use this tool, because it really does help to actually talk to people going thru the same grief. I talked on chat awhile, then decided to try and go to sleep again, well, it took forever for me to go to sleep, thing I finally fell asleep from exhaustion from crying so much. Woke up eevery 2hrs, crying and would beawakeanhour oe more. This is by far the worst thing I have ever gone thru and I thought the death of my mother would kill me, I was too young, 29, with 3 little kids. Well, I did not know real pain back then, because that is the way life is meant to go, for our parents to go before us...but this...losing my loving husband at 55, well....that is just not suppose to happen, and was just such a shock. Has been 5 weeks, I am still in shock, disbelief, and just totally devastated.

Some people suggested last night to start a journal, I have been writing some letters to Ron on my I-Pad but afraid they will get lost, suggested I write down things I want to remember about him, there is just so much, he was just so funny, and could always make everything better, no matter what was going on. I loved that man soooo very much, still do. I just hope tonite is not like last night, am thinking of going to another daughter's house today and staying a few days, I have to be back here by middle of week for business. But, I am just so tired, of everything really, but all this traveling is very hard on a person with lupus, but I just cannot go thru another night like last night.

Any suggestions would be appreciated on traveling to daughters houses, staying home, erc.thank you so much for being here forme.


I have no magic words or pill or gimmick....but I do know that where you are right now....what you are doing....how you are acting....how you are feeling....that ' all out crying'...the kind that comes from that dark sadness....from someplace so deep within yourself it feels like it is being pulled from you....the racking sobbing...and the pain that feels like your heart is physically breaking....and the exhaustion because you feel like there are 30 lb. weights on your feet...and you can't make up your mind to take a bath...or.....sit for another 3 hours and still be blank....and your mind fills like it has cobwebs of fog...for thoughts come fast and you try to keep up with that racing mind boggling 'truth'....that your dear..beloved...forever...partner....is not 'there'......you keep trying to wrap your mind around it...it struggles with the facts...and you fall down....for you simply can't get that far.......This is simply what you 'should' be doing now...don't fight your instincts....for your instincts are telling you what you should be doing....maybe you 'think' you shouldn't have these kind of reactions....not true....'there is a time for everything under the sun'....there is a time for grieving and mourning...and this is that time....for you.....you talk about travel....and going to your daughter's house....if that is what your instincts are telling you....do it....if you feel like you are too tired to travel....wait til you feel less tired....grief is a very, very physical thing....and you simply MUST take very good care of yourself at this time....think how you would care for one of your loved ones if they were sick....keep them clean....wrap a soft, warm blanket around them...feed them some soup and crackers...or their favorite food....and LOVE them....that is what you have to do for yourself now..it is called 'self-care'.....you have had a huge..huge loss in your life....you need time to heal...it is not going to be overnight...one step at a time....sometimes in this age of 'instant' everything.....we have hurt ourselves by thinking all will be ok if....'we do this...we do that....take this pill....read this book....go here....go there'......we have a great power in prayer to help and heal ourselves....and He has His Arms of Mercy, Grace, Healing and Love around you at all times...everyone has their own timeline in this walk of grief....their own unique journey... just know it is YOURS....and you go your way......by the way.....I think you are doing 'fine'....by that I mean I think you are right where you should be....you have a huge heart of love.....and your heart is broken now.....please know many here are here for you...for we all are here for we have this new path of grief we walk, too.......but please....take care and be very gentle and good to yourself......and you know....your husband would not have left you if he didn't have to....

#4 Sammijo2424

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 09:58 AM

Well, I did live thru the night, though was very tough, thankfully got to talk to some great people in chat, for anyone who has not tried chat, I encourage you to use this tool, because it really does help to actually talk to people going thru the same grief. I talked on chat awhile, then decided to try and go to sleep again, well, it took forever for me to go to sleep, thing I finally fell asleep from exhaustion from crying so much. Woke up eevery 2hrs, crying and would beawakeanhour oe more. This is by far the worst thing I have ever gone thru and I thought the death of my mother would kill me, I was too young, 29, with 3 little kids. Well, I did not know real pain back then, because that is the way life is meant to go, for our parents to go before us...but this...losing my loving husband at 55, well....that is just not suppose to happen, and was just such a shock. Has been 5 weeks, I am still in shock, disbelief, and just totally devastated.

Some people suggested last night to start a journal, I have been writing some letters to Ron on my I-Pad but afraid they will get lost, suggested I write down things I want to remember about him, there is just so much, he was just so funny, and could always make everything better, no matter what was going on. I loved that man soooo very much, still do. I just hope tonite is not like last night, am thinking of going to another daughter's house today and staying a few days, I have to be back here by middle of week for business. But, I am just so tired, of everything really, but all this traveling is very hard on a person with lupus, but I just cannot go thru another night like last night.

Any suggestions would be appreciated on traveling to daughters houses, staying home, erc.thank you so much for being here forme.

#5 dsmurph

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 10:09 PM

I pray Our Father holds you tonight and gets you through until you are a little stronger.

#6 Sammijo2424

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 07:59 PM

I went to my sisters for a fish fry. Two brothers, my sister and sister-in-law there, and had fun, but then starting thinking....but Ron is not here, how can this be fun, I can't do this without him, suddenly I had to go, cried all the way back home, 45 minute drive, cause Ron was not driving and he always drives. Got home to an empty house, no Ron and have just been crying and begging God to take me to Ron, I want Ron, no one else. I thought I wanted to be at home and not my daughter's house, has been 1 day and I don't want to be here anymore, don't want to be anywhere, I just want Ron, he could always make everything better, oh God, why, why did you do this. Ron should be in ther laid out on the sofa, or laying in bed with me or just anywhere in this house. god please help me make it thru this night




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