my fiance announces he's going partying the night i find out i lost my uncle

my fiance announces he's going partying the night i find out i lost my uncle how should i take this action?

#1 ModKonnie

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 06:50 AM

shetechnic, on 03 February 2012 - 02:32 PM, said:

hi

i didnt know who to turn to as i didnt want to involve anyone with a biased opinion.

this morning i found out i lost my uncle that i was very close to and i had to be driven home from work by my fiance. this was just 4 hours ago i got home to try to piece myself together and not even an hour ago my fiance announced, after talking on the phone with his friend, that he is going out to his friends party tonight. right now the only person i want around is him as i have no family here where i live and i dont fly out till tomorrow morning.

i dont know how to take this at all. i dont understand this action at all. im just looking for some opinions on this or if you have gone through anything like this. ive just stopped crying rright before he came and told me his plans and i dont have the energy to argue the etiquette of being there for the person your with in the worst times like this and then i think... maybe its just because he really doesnt care as much as i do?

please help as this is making my worst day a million times even worse

Shetechnic,
I am very sorry about the loss of your uncle. Obviously, your fiance just doesn't comprehend the anguish you are feeling, or he may simply not know how to deal with it and is trying to get away from it. His decision is selfish and thoughtless, yes, but it may not be one his is making to try to inflict further pain into your experience. It may be the "fight or flight" syndrome that happens to people in extremely stressful situations. In calmer times, when you begin to feel a little bit more emotionally stable and are starting to cope with your loss, then maybe you can discuss this with your fiance.

I hope you will be able to come back here to talk about your beloved uncle and share your feelings with us.
We will be here for you,
ModKonnie

#2 RememberingRachael

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 03:29 PM

shetechnic said:

1328304743[/url]' post='83489']
hi

i didnt know who to turn to as i didnt want to involve anyone with a biased opinion.

this morning i found out i lost my uncle that i was very close to and i had to be driven home from work by my fiance. this was just 4 hours ago i got home to try to piece myself together and not even an hour ago my fiance announced, after talking on the phone with his friend, that he is going out to his friends party tonight. right now the only person i want around is him as i have no family here where i live and i dont fly out till tomorrow morning.

i dont know how to take this at all. i dont understand this action at all. im just looking for some opinions on this or if you have gone through anything like this. ive just stopped crying rright before he came and told me his plans and i dont have the energy to argue the etiquette of being there for the person your with in the worst times like this and then i think... maybe its just because he really doesnt care as much as i do?

please help as this is making my worst day a million times even worse

If your fiancé has never been close to an uncle, or aunt, then he probably does not understand. Some families are not very close, and if is isn't, then it is possible he could have even experienced an aunt or uncles death in the past and not been very phased. That may be why he just does not realize your state of mind and how painful this time is for you. Just a thought. Also, I am so very, very sorry for your loss and your pain. Be kind to yourself and take things a little slow. An unexpected loss can make our grief more difficult. Hugs,Maddy

#3 Kevin's Mom

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 07:38 AM

shetechnic, on 03 February 2012 - 02:32 PM, said:

I can't completely put myself in your shoes as I've never been in your spot but maybe he just has no idea what you need at this point. I lost my son 4 months ago and I found people who you have always relied on sometimes walk away because they don't know what to do or say. I think the reality that it can happen to them also is something that scares them and they don't want face it. I hope it all works out for you and some how you find the support you need from him.